Steak Night (Wish I had a Date Night)

As I eluded in my previous post, there was more to my Saturday than what you all got the privilege of reading about. It was truly a day of being a man and doing some things that guys do.

"Doing what guys do" is a phrase that only a select few guys in River Falls is familiar with. It came to be a popular phrase when my entire lunch table was invited to a birthday party by a member of the JV basketball team well in advance of it actually happening. Some of you may be thinking three weeks or a month. You're wrong. We were invited over six months in advance. The party was to be epic. When I asked what we'd be doing at this "party" the response was similar to, "Oh man, We're just gonna do what guys do. Ya know? We're gonna throw some meat on the grill and toss the ol' pigskin around!" The Birthday Boy to be (in over 6 months) was excited beyond words.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend this party despite the advanced notice. In fact, I think everyone was unable to attend. My reason was legit though. Northwestern College was dragging me around on tours and talks like a collared dog for Orientation week. Would've I loved to be "throwin' some meat on the grill and tossin' the ol' pigskin around? Absolutely! Who wouldn't? But no, I was getting told that I would be experiencing many changes during the upcoming year. (No, this was not the puberty talk I received last year....oops! I mean when the time came that both my parents and I had to experience the awkwardness of that conversation.) The point is, I missed out on a golden opportunity to be a man.

This didn't sit well with me in the fall, as it shouldn't with any decent person who has the stones to call himself a man. (Walt is working on it and making great strides! Gold star bud!) How was I about to fix this? Well, being the innovator I am, I thought to myself, "Why not fix two issues in one night?" What is the second issue you may ask?

I have been known to be unreasonably stingy when dealing with my money. (So why did I end up dedicating my life to paying off debt by coming to a private school to pursue an education degree? Good Question. I'm going to credit my man G-O-D with that one.) Anyways, within a couple weeks of school my roommates and close friends could smell the stench of frugality coming from my every statement and action..."Half Price Appetizers? That's half price too much for this guy."

These actions that brought/bring me so much satisfaction, brought my close friends the opposite emotion. They were bound and determined to get me to "go big" before the end of the school year. I agreed through clenched teeth and put it off as long as I could. What I agreed to was to play a round of Golf in the afternoon (like real men) and to follow that with a fine steak dinner. Through a fair amount of compromising, I negotiated a deal where we could play 9 holes of golf at a city course that only set me back $10. The real killer was the steak dinner half though. Instead of going to a classy establishment such as Outback Steakhouse, we agreed to buy the finest steaks and grill them ourselves (like real men).

And it was done. The day came, and we were about to make it happen! It was a windy day on the golf course, so our scores didn't reflect our greatest scores. However, my partner in crime through this all (Geezy/GZ) said the dumbest thing in our previous outing that I had to rekindle multiple times. He said, "Eh, the wind doesn't really affect my shot."

Are you stroking me?! Unless you hit nothing but worm-burners, the ball is BOUND to be influenced by a brisk wind! Does he have some expensive ball that is immune to wind? If so, that's cool, but I have no interest of buying one due to my severe condition of stinginess. I always look for the balls that cost me nothing. (That's what she said.) But seriously, I have no shame in adding a ball to my stash that was recently hit blindly over a hill, where the poor golfer who hit it has no idea where it landed...hmm...gopher must've eaten it!

Anyways, after our golfing excursion, it was off to the local grocer to purchase the supplies for our big night. We agreed that the menu would consist of steak, potatoes, and dessert. There is no room on a man's plate for vegetables or anything resembling the color green. We also were planning on washing this all down with the finest O'Doules (fake beer). I thought non-alcoholic beer would be legit for our dry campus, but the half of a percent of alcohol wasn't about to fly at NWC, so we settled for a drink that is more encouraged by our faith-based community: grape juice.

Upon entering the store, I was experiencing some minor shaking and butterflies in my stomach as I knew this would be the biggest grocery bill I'd run up during the year. After quickly finding our potatoes, it was selection time. Which cut of steak was right for the night? Geezy naturally went with the most expensive he could find. A 17 oz Rib-eye (approx $12). I may consider this for the day I propose to my future wife, but not for steak night. I decided to treat myself to the finest 18 oz. round steak (the worst/cheapest money can buy). This set me back a whopping $3.56. I'm glad I saved all my loose change in a cup during the year. The steak dinner fund was a classic example of saving every penny and then kissing it goodbye for a short pleasure and lifetime of memories. Some people have found different ways to learn this lesson, but to each his own: I just "went big"!

We concluded our trip by buying our favorite kind of ice cream, Cookies and Cream as well as some cake and Hershey's shell topping. Yes, I did have every intention of finishing my freshman 15 in one night. Mission accomplished. I left the store with a bill that was closing in on $10. I felt my eyes swelling and throat closing, but managed to make the swipe and get on with the glorious night we had been waiting for like a below average looking, insecure teen girl waiting to be asked to the prom. (I think you get the picture)

Geezy strapped on his flipper in one hand and blackberry in the other as he grilled our steaks like he had done it a million times. Quick note: He was an amateur, as was I. Probably the most embarrassing moment of it all was that neither of us knew how to light a lighter to get these steaks cooking. We had to call on the closest high school freshman to do the honors.

Once everything was fixed up, we enjoyed each other's company as we sat directly across from each other(No homo), gazed into each other's eyes(no homo), and talked about how glad we were that we could make it all happen(NH). DJ Walter was spitting the finest classical music that youtube had to offer. It was certainly a night to remember, a night which my vice-grip on my wallet loosened, so I could invest in a steak with the consistency of a middle aged tree. No ranch or BBQ sauce could help me endure the five minutes i spent chewing each and every bite.

The night was a tremendous experience (No homo), and we agreed to make this an annual event(No homo). It was great to practice up with the hopes of one day sharing a night like that with a very special person of the opposite gender. So until that day, it will be called, "Steak Night" (Wish I had a Date Night).

So to all the young men who read this blog: don't be afraid to share a special night with a bro(no homo). You can call it a "bromance", "man-date", or even "guy love". (See following Scrubs clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pamgat1Wro )(No homo.)

Just one quick disclaimer: You can never call "No Homo" too many times. No homo.

Until next time my friends, Stay wet!

God Bless,

-Wetberg